Need a new pet

I was feeling a little lonely the other day, so I decided to get myself a pet.

I went down the local pet shop and asked the owner for a low maintenance pet which would give me some company. The owner said he had just the thing.

He gave me a little white house with a caterpillar in it, chuffed to bits, I took it home and placed it carefully on my mantelpiece.

That evening, I fancied a pint, so I knocked on the roof of the little house and said “Hello there, fancy a pint down the Dog and Duck?”

No reply, so I gave it five minutes and knocked again “Are you there? I said do you fancy a pint?”

Again, I waited a little while, another 5 minutes passed and I knocked again, a little harder this time as I was becoming impatient “Oi you! Are you in there? I said do you fancy a pint?”

A little voice replied from inside the house “Bloody hell, I heard you the first time, I’m putting my f’ing shoes on!”

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